CULTIVATING AUTHENTIC GRATITUDE - without the sugary bs
- Sophie Shaw
- Mar 11
- 3 min read
Sometimes I think the whole gratitude thing can be a bit saccharine and, well, annoying.
"Be grateful. Count your blessings." You hear it everywhere. It's a bumper sticker - a cheap bit of home decor, printed on pillows and bits of driftwood, and repeated so often it's almost become meaningless.
And worse, it can often be parroted in the most crashingly insensitive ways. When someone is in despair, they don't need to be told to be grateful for what they've got.
Yes, gratitude is important - it can be transformational - but for it to feel authentic, we need to find a way of practising gratitude, without denying the reality of what IS.
If you're ill, practising gratitude for your health feels like bullshit.
If you're in debt, practising gratitude for your wealth feels like a mean joke.
If you're single and craving a relationship, being grateful for your epic love life is daft, to say the least - insulting to say the worst.
Like affirmations, gratitude must feel authentic and inspiring, to be of any use. It needs to stimulate positive emotion, not stir up feelings of resentment, deprivation, or worse - guilt.
Too many of us feel guilty about wanting more than we've got. "Be grateful" can be used as a stick to beat us, as we saw so appallingly this week in the Whitehouse.
So when things are difficult, it can be a real wrench to switch gears into a gratitude you don't naturally feel.
And in those circumstances, I say - start from wherever you are.
It's absolutely ok to start really, really small with gratitude - especially if you're not used to it, or if it feels phoney. In fact, that phoney feeling is a good indicator that you've gone too far, and need to pull it back to something you can genuinely feel good about, with ease.
For example - let's take recovery, be it emotional or physical. On your worst day, it's too much of a leap to say "I'm grateful for my health and happiness," because you're not in that space.
BUT - you could say,
I'm grateful to begin my recovery.
I'm grateful to be recovering in the warmth of my own home.
I'm grateful to know that recovery is happening.
I'm grateful to myself for being dedicated to my recovery.
I'm grateful for this cup of tea, and the moment of peace that comes with it.
I'm grateful for these next 5 calm breaths.
I'm grateful for this soft blanket.
And so on. Start wherever you are, and build up slowly, making sure that everything on your list is something you genuinely feel good about, without having to force it.
Practice your gratitude with a BUTTLOAD of self-compassion. Make no demands on yourself to be more grateful than you feel. And never berate yourself for not being more grateful - life can be really fucken hard, and you're doing your best.
But more than anything else, DO practice your gratitude. It really, really does make a difference.
I don't care how you do it - write it in a fancy journal, speak it out loud to your pillow, write it in the shower steam, it doesn't matter.
List it, FEEL it, and watch it grow.
Grateful for you. Big love,
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